On Listening…

The Confession - Giuseppe Molteni — Google Arts & Culture

If you’ve ever been to therapy, you’ve probably heard this idea: That there is whatever your husband or wife or father or mother or sister or brother or boss is saying to you, and then there is what you’re hearing. In fact, in a lot of couples counseling, the therapist will try to help couples stop arguments from spiraling by asking them to say to each other, “Ok, what I am hearing when you say that is…” or “What I make up about that is…” often times we have the wrong perception of the words and actions of others. Maybe someone thought they were just teasing, but what you heard from their actions were, “I don’t love you” and “You’re not good enough.” You feel like you’re just sighing because you’re tired, but what your partner is hearing is, “I’m upset with you,” and now they are getting ready to defend themselves. So much suffering comes out of a lethal cocktail of poor communication and false perception. The best remedy for this is an action and it is to Listen! The common military phrase “HUA”(Heard, Understood, Received) lays out the structure for the art of listening. When we can Hear, seek to understand and then receive what those around us are saying most of the time we see that we suffered way more in our imaginations than reality would dictate. Christ is the perfect listener and I forget this often, but he is also pretty awesome at waiting too! So with renewed confidence join me in sharing with Christ all of the cares and concerns we have and let’s listen to the way he loves us through the people in our lives.

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